Saying No: Wedding Edition.

When it comes to wedding planning, I have no doubt you'll be confronted with a few new experiences. Saying No will come up when someone is pushing for something you don't want, be it a detail, an opinion, some element of the wedding, finding out information about your wedding, etc. But it can feel uncomfortable to say No, either due to tradition, confidence, family relationships or putting others' wants above your own.


So how can you say No?


Over on the personal development blog is a Saying No post which you can read more on here. But saying No during wedding planning requires it's own special mention.


Ways to Say No


No

Quite the obvious one really. A simple, "No thanks" is enough, and you don't actually need to justify it if you don't want to.


But, if saying a straight out No sounds too harsh for you, especially with all the dynamics going on with wedding planning, there's ways around this.


Softening

Softening a No tells the other person No but not in such a direct manner.


Eg. "I'm afraid not"; "I don't really like that actually"; "I don't feel comfortable with this" are all softeners and in particularly the last one, it's hard for people to argue with someone's feelings.


Humour

Humour is such a good tool for softening a No, especially during wedding planning when you generally want to avoid any tension build up and keep things light.


Eg. If someone is pushing for details about the wedding you don't want to share, jokingly saying, "Ah you'll have to wait and see!" tends to ward them off and they can't really argue with that.


Alternatives

Instead of saying No to someone, suggest something else instead. This isn't saying a straight out No, but rather a preference for something else.


Eg. "I actually really like this because..." and list a few pros to defend your answer.



BONUS: When to Say No


If your wedding includes compromise, picking and choosing what is more important to you to say Yes and No to could be important. It can feel hard to say No to a parent if they're paying for your wedding and they want something in particular. More to the point, you and your partner could actually disagree on details for your wedding.


Here I suggest the following: decide which elements are more important to you and which ones you'd be willing to let slide.


Generally, if you've been particularly cooperative with certain things, it can make it a lot easier to say No to those few things that are really important to you.


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I said it over on the personal development page and I'll say it here again because it's so important:


THE SECRET TO SAYING NO:


Whether you say No or not, what makes a No work is that you STICK TO YOUR NO. Don’t give in if you don't want to, especially at the beginning of your Saying No journey. You are setting a new standard for yourself; this is essentially a habit. How strong your No is, will depend on how YOU respond to your No just as much as the other person.


The more you stand by your No, and the more times you practice saying No, the easier it will get, I promise.


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If you've found this post helpful, please share with your wedding planning friends and fam!